For the first half of my career, I worked for an organization that prioritized development. Being a faith-based organization, that was called discipleship. It wasn’t a perfect place, but more often than not, someone was paying attention to my growth, both personally and professionally. Someone would ask how I was doing, and care about the answer. Someone would listen to my concerns, offer perspective, and help me work things through. Someone was in my corner.
As I moved up, the thing I loved most was offering that kind of care and development to my staff. It is so powerful to meet someone and decide to commit yourself to their good. When you set goals, reflect, interpret, and learn from experience in weekly meetings, you come to know a person deeply. And, when you look back over a year, or in some cases, a decade, and see how far someone has come, the depths they’ve plumbed, the heights they’ve reached…well, it’s an honour that moves me to tears even now. In my life, only parenting has come close to matching that experience.
I began coaching because of how much it was like discipleship. As I learned more about it, I came to value the ways it is also fundamentally different. This reflection started out as a way to describe coaching, but it became something much more personal. I offer it, generally, as a way for everyone to get a sense of what coaching could be. And I offer it very specifically, to those who have experience in the same or similar religious organizations, because I hope it might offer some healing.
See, I naively assumed that my experience was the norm in most workplaces. What a shock to realize that many people go through their entire careers without any kind of intentional development. Maybe an annual review, the odd workshop, or a 360 every few years, but that’s it. No one to ask questions or work through options, no mentoring, no encouragement. How sad!
If that’s you, I think coaching can bridge that gap.
In some ways, coaching is very similar to discipleship. I particularly notice these things:
Coaching is holistic, which means it acknowledges that different parts of life are connected to one another. Spending time talking about your parenting challenges might just help you understand why you’re feeling a need to prove yourself at work.
Coaching provides accountability. I don’t know about you, but I wrote the vast majority of my University essays in the 8 hours before they were due. I’ve also easily wasted 8 hours binging Netflix. Why the difference? Accountability. It changes everything when I know I have to show my work, or that someone is going to ask what I’ve done. That’s especially true in a supportive relationship, like coaching.
Coaching is forward-focused, which means that it is much more concerned with where you’re going and what you’re capable of doing next, than where you’ve been and what you’ve done in the past. Certainly the past is relevant, and we might talk about it, but coaching really helps you look forward to possibilities.
In all of those ways, coaching feels familiar to me. There’s a muscle memory for this kind of work, and I trust my intuition. But, in other ways, coaching is quite different. In these ways, it has offered me an opportunity to to embrace some much-needed correction:
Coaching is strengths-based, which means we assume everyone is starting from a place of competence. We trust that they are fully capable; we don’t paternalize people. I was, I’m afraid, used to starting from an assumption of weakness or lack, albeit coupled with potential. We got to strength eventually, but it had to start from weakness. Coaching has asked me to have even more belief in people, and start from a place of strength. Practically speaking, that means when someone is experiencing anxiety in one part of their life, instead of digging into anxiety, I might ask about areas where they feel confident, inviting them to harness the confidence - strength - they already have and transfer it to new places.
Finally, and most significantly for me, coaching is client-centered, which means we acknowledge that each person is unique and is the only expert on their own life. We help them focus on their own goals, and live out their own values, even if they are very different from our own. In my previous work, I often considered myself the expert on what someone else should do. Now, part of that was because faith-based organizations have a clearly defined idea of right and wrong. To be helping someone grow within that system, you had to help them conform to the system. But there is a cost to developing people toward conformity. What I thought was encouragement might sometimes have been manipulation. And there was a lot of arrogance in assuming I knew what was best.
And so, for me, as well as being familiar, coaching has been an act of repentance. Repentance is a fancy religious word that means turning away from one thing and towards something new. I’ve wrestled with feelings of guilt, and worked to offer myself compassion, and committed to coming into my coaching relationships differently. I remind myself before each session to show up completely in service to my client. I cultivate humility. I am grateful for the opportunity to know so many incredible people, be a witness to their lives, and support their development.
That’s a lot about me. What does this have to do with you?
Well, if you’re working now in a place where intentional development is absent, I want you to know that I’m sorry. I don’t think it should be that way. I think you deserve to have someone in your corner, rooting for you, and helping you grow. Ideally, it would be someone at your workplace. But, in the absence of that, a coach can bridge the gap and pay attention to your person and development in a way that helps you reach your potential. Let’s talk and see what kind of difference that can make for you.
And, if you’re a leader who’s in charge of people, and you’re not offering focused care and development…my friend, you are missing out! You could be seeing your people improve their productivity and skills month over month. You could have internal succession pipelines. You could eliminate toxicity, resentment, and constant turn-over. Your team could be happy and thriving. Is it hard to completely change the way you’re leading? Yep. But it is 100% possible and worthwhile. I can help you do that. Call me when you’re ready to take your leadership seriously, and create an environment where people are cared for and thrive.
In the month of June, if you’re new to coaching, you can book up to four sessions for $50 each. I want to make sure everyone has a chance to find out how good it can be. Visit www.burningpoint.ca and use the code TRYITFOR50 to book your sessions. And please pass this along to people you know would benefit from coaching.
There’s been a lot of learning for me this past year, as I’ve built this coaching business, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will always love watching people reach their potential. I hope I can spend my life doing that.