Self-Care (or, How I Keep Going When It's All Falling Apart)

I was supposed to call my best friend on Sunday. Here’s the text I sent instead:

“I’m so sorry. I have Perimenopausal PMS and this whole weekend has just been surviving and trying not to lose my ever-loving mind every time someone talks or needs something from me. WHICH IS ALL. THE. TIME.

I just couldn’t do a call.

Pray for my boy. He is not seeing the best version of Mom right now.”

There are times when it seems like everything is falling apart and you can’t figure out how to get your footing. I know I’m not alone here. 

I blamed it on PMS and perimenopause. Which are SO REAL. But they’re not the only factors. It’s also the endless news cycle of tragedy. And the tedious work of doing my taxes. And the laundry. And the panic about the next season in my business. And the decisions about what to make for supper AGAIN.

Being a Mom is no joke. 

But at least I’m a solo parent.

And an entrepreneur.

It’s a lot. And I get overwhelmed. And, when that happens - like it did this week - here are some of the things that help me get through:

Lowered Expectations

(Anyone else watch Mad TV in the 90s?)

When I’m overwhelmed, and I still need to show up as a parent, I lower my expectations. That means, I let go of things like the house being clean. Or how much screen time my son has. Or how healthy our food is. Not forever, of course. But for now. It doesn’t really matter that much.

Remember my Values

But I don’t let go of everything. I remind myself that attachment is my highest value as a mom. When I can’t do everything, I prioritize attachment and connection with my son. I might cut out bath time, but I keep bedtime stories, because that’s the point of connection.

Real Self-Care

A mom I follow on Instagram talks about doing the things that you don’t want to do…because you deserve their result. Like loading the dishwasher because I deserve to have a clean counter in the morning. Self-care is more than bubble baths. When I’m struggling, I try to do one thing to bring order to my home because I know it will help me tomorrow. And I deserve that.

Laugh

Now, if you know me in person, I laugh often and hard! LOL But, when I’m struggling, it’s easy to forget. Laughter improves our circulation, and increases our brain’s production of natural painkillers and stress relievers. It literally improves our mental and emotional health. It’s as simple as stand up comedy instead of true crime!

Reframe

Now, I don’t force this right away, but eventually I try to reframe what I’m stressed about. I ask myself, “Is there ANY other way to look at this?” Spoiler alert: There almost always is.

It’s crazy how effective this is! Our thoughts control our feelings, our actions, and everything that comes from them. So, if we can choose a more helpful way to think about our situation, we can have a much more positive outcome.

Set Up For Success

Finally, I do this thing my coach taught me: I get a post-it and write down 2-3 easy things I can do first thing tomorrow. That way, when I sit down at my desk, I don’t start by ruminating on the day before, and get sucked into the overwhelm again. I start with simple tasks that kick start my day, so I can get into flow.

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So, what does all this actually look like?

Sunday and Monday were hard. So, as I was driving to pick up my son, I decided it was time to lower expectations and get clear about my values. 

Which meant ordering pizza for supper and eating it cuddled up on the couch. No cooking; lots of connection.

Then, after he was in bed, I did the real self-care: I listened to a podcast while I folded the laundry and aggressively tidied the living room…because I deserve to live in an organized home. And, also, the podcast is really funny.

Just before bed, I stopped and asked myself how I could reframe the day. I chose this thought: “I’ve made some amazing connections here and people want to help.”

Then I put a sticky note on my computer so I’d know where to start in the morning.

And then I went to bed. 

And you know what? Today has been a million times better. 

Of course it’s not magic. Nothing is. And it’s a tough time in the world right now. But these things work for me…

What works for you?

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If you need to talk, or you want to work on your own ways to keep going, reach out HERE.