Cheetos. And Parenting.

My son has stopped eating.

Well, sort of.

He still eats cheetos. And peanut butter sandwiches.

Sigh.

This is very upsetting to me for two reasons:

First of all, he has always been a great eater! I did baby-led weaning and he grew up loving pickled garlic scapes and butter chicken and steak and roasted broccoli. 

And I loved that about him. I loved teaching him to cook and being able to share most foods with him without any trouble.

And, while I thought I was handling his love of food with the grace and humility of a seasoned parent who recognizes she isn’t controlling any of this…it turns out I might have been a teensy bit smug about it.

Which I recognize because I am not responding to this regression very well.

Because - and here’s the second reason - if I’m being honest, I’m embarrassed.

I mean, I COACH PARENTS. I literally help people deal with this - and things like this - all the time. How can I be having so much trouble getting my kid to JUST EAT?

It feels like that old saying “the shoemaker’s children always go barefoot.” Or an accountant being late on their taxes (okay, I know that doesn’t really happen). Or a personal trainer who’s overweight.

Except tonight, while I was stewing over all of this - after spending the dinner hour foolishly trying to explain to a five year old that it doesn’t make sense for him to not like butter chicken anymore - I realized two things:

1. There are no perfect parents.

2. I like when personal trainers are overweight.

Here’s what I mean:

No matter how much we prepare, or how good we are…parenting is really hard. It’s unpredictable, overwhelming, and constantly changing. 

We don’t get it right all the time. And, even when we do, there’s no guarantee that it will last. 

We do our best. We build attachment, we love our kids, we prioritize important things, we apologize when we get it wrong, and we keep learning. 

And here’s why I like personal trainers who are overweight: 

It means they get it. 

They know what it’s like to worry about their weight, to feel embarrassed, to struggle…and to show up anyway to help others. 

That’s who I want to learn from.

They make me feel comfortable. Seen. Validated. Hopeful.

So, in that spirit, here are some tips for picky eaters from a coach who’s struggling to get her kid to eat:

• Try to keep food conversations neutral and calm. Don’t be alarmist with things like “You’ll never get strong if you don’t eat ___!” or “You’ll get fat if you eat ___!”

• Don’t label foods good or bad. Instead, talk about what various foods do in your body. We talk about foods that give us quick energy (carbs and sugar) or long energy (protein), foods that help our eyes (carrots) or make our teeth strong (milk).

• Involve your child in food preparation. They are often more willing to try something they made. 

• Decide how you’ll handle picky seasons or refusals. Some families require that kids try one bite. Others that you clear your plate. In other families, it’s always okay to make a PB&J if you don’t like the meal. Consistency is important. (It’s also where I’ve been going wrong. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between techniques, hoping one will work.) 

• Have realistic expectations. Kids don’t need as much food as we think they do. Also, kids cycle through being bottomless pits, and then barely eating at all. If you accept those changes, instead of fighting them, you’ll teach your child to trust their body’s cues instead of eating “what they’re supposed to.”

Finally, get some support! Maybe it’s lunch with friends, chatting with your spouse, or listening to a podcast. Sometimes just talking about it makes a world of difference. 

And, when you need someone who gets it in your corner, I’m right here. I know what you’re going through. And I’ll help you find your way to the other side. 

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This is for anyone who has little kids in their lives and has a visceral response to tantrums. Embarrassment. Panic. Fury. Overwhelming guilt.

Let's figure this out.

The Anatomy of a Tantrum: Surviving Tantrums by Doing...Nothing?

Understand what’s happening when your child is having a tantrum, and what you should stop doing to get through it faster. If you’re frustrated and embarrassed at school drop off, the grocery store, or just in your own home, this is for you.

May 15 | 12pm or 8pm | virtual | $25 per household

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