I was eavesdropping at swimming lessons.
A mom regaling a grandma with stories of horrifying behaviour she’s seen erupt from her normally calm and focused four-year old, since starting JK.
She’s ravenous after school.
She’s cranky in the mornings.
She won’t eat her lunch, no matter what was packed.
She’s crying all the time.
She’s having meltdowns at bedtime that last over an hour.
This poor woman wailed, “I knew it was going to be a transition, but this is awful! I don’t understand what’s going on!”
Being a nosy extrovert (and an experienced parent and coach), I turned and smiled. “Everything you’re describing is 100% normal. I have a four year old, I was a foster parent, I’ve seen lots of kids start school. And all of that is normal. You’re okay.”
She locked eyes with me. “Really? It is? You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. But, um…how long does it last?”
We talked about the underlying needs that our children have in these seasons of extreme transition, and the experience of constantly being at the absolute end of their (and our) resources.
We talked about ways to support them. Creative, generous ways to meet their specific needs in this season.
Every parent is doing this right now. We’re carrying 17 snack options in the car at pick up. We’re serving dinner at 4pm. We’re lowering expectations at home. We’re offering lots of cuddles. We’re getting them into bed early.
Is it exhausting? Yes.
Is it necessary? Debatable.
Does it give them the best chance at succeeding right now? Absolutely.
The thing is, all behaviour is communicating need. As parents (or grandparents or foster parents or teachers or friends), if we can figure out what the need is, and meet it, we will A) be more likely to stop unwanted behaviour, and B) give our children a chance to do their best.
And - surprise! - that holds up at work as well.
Each member of your team has their own unique personality, their own set of skills and challenges, and their own circumstances. And, as those all mingle together, their own needs.
Which means we can’t lead everyone the same way.
Are you meeting the needs of your team members?
Do you know what their needs are?
Here’s an example:
A leader I know received some feedback last year that they were micromanaging. They took that very seriously and adjusted their leadership style accordingly. (SUCH a good example of adaptability!)
This year, a team member who is new to the role and the region, has been asking for a lot of specific direction. They've been hesitant to offer it, not wanting to overstep or tell anyone how to do their job.
But this is a different person with very different needs. Thankfully, this wise and empathetic leader is adapting to give them what they need to be successful.
Another example is those personality or strengths assessments that most workplaces use at some point. Usually, those get shared briefly at a team meeting, and then the results get stuffed in a drawer and forgotten.
If you’re a leader, don’t waste those! Gather up the results from each team member, read through them, and consider what insight you can get about what people need. Things like:
What amount of autonomy does this person need?
How might they prefer to receive feedback?
What kind of challenges do they need?
What parts of the job will be life-giving for them?
What parts will be really draining?
Who might they work well with?
A little bit of reflection can go a long way. And pretty soon you’ll be able to tailor assignments, opportunities, and your own leadership style to bring out the best in each team member.
And, when you get home, a little bit of reflection on who your child is, and what is going on in their world right now, will help you tailor expectations, activities, routines, and support to give your little one exactly what they need.
Oh, and if you have parents on your team? Buy them a coffee and ask them how the school transition is going. And remind them this won't last forever.
I'm Dana and I'm a Leadership Coach and a parent.
I help people find success as leaders, both at work and at home.
If you'd like to chat, book a free call right here:
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