So, I was cleaning my kitchen one Saturday morning this summer.
Riveting start to a blog post, I know.
Anyway, my four year old called from the other room, “Mooooom! I’m so BORED!” Super normal experience for a kid on summer break. I didn’t have time to play with him and I know boredom is supposed to be good for kids, so I left him alone for a while to see if he could figure it out.
He could not.
After 15 minutes of whining, I called him over: “Okay. When you’re bored, you need ideas about what to do. Let’s make a list of ideas. Let’s try to get six ideas - I’ll say one and then you say one. Ready? My idea is Lego. What’s yours?”
4: “Ummm…construction.”
Me: “Good one! Okay…basement swing.”
4: “Climber!”
Me: “Yeah! Bike riding.”
4: “Surfboard swing!”
Me: “Okay! That’s six. Lego, construction, basement swing, climber, biking, surfboard swing. Those are all good ideas. Which one do you want to do?”
4: “Ummm…surfboard swing! I’m going outside now! See ya!”
That was definitely a parenting win. (Feel free to steal it.) But I knew it would be short-lived, unless I did one more thing.
If you don’t debrief it, it didn’t happen.
How often do we see people on our teams - ourselves included - do the same things over and over again, genuinely confused that the results continue to be disappointing? Or watch someone do something that didn’t work, and wonder, “How do they not remember what happened last time?”
We think that experience will be enough for people to learn. But it almost never is.
Because we don’t naturally learn from our mistakes. Or our successes, for that matter. We just keep moving forward. We get thinking about the next thing, and the next, and before you know it, we’ve forgotten all about it. Like it didn’t even happen.
It’s too bad, really. There’s so much to learn from every experience. About motivation, reactions, strategy, effectiveness. It’s such a waste when we don’t grab hold of that learning! And it’s an easy fix.
“If you don’t debrief it, it didn’t happen.”
“Debrief” just means…talk about it. That’s it. When something happens, talk about it. Doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can happen while you’re walking back to your office or grabbing a coffee.
“How did that go for you?”
“What did you think went well?”
“Is there anything you would do differently?”
“What do you want to remember about this experience?”
That’s it. And you’ve given someone the opportunity to process an experience and learn from it. Because talking about it slows things down a bit, finds patterns, and locks those into long-term memory. So they will be way more likely to put that learning into practice next time.
And guess what? It works with kids too.
At supper that night, I said, “Hey, remember this morning when you were bored? I forget…how did we solve that problem?”
4: “I went on my surfboard swing.”
Me: “Yeah. That was fun! But how did you think of that?”
4: “We made all those ideas and I choosed one.”
Me: “That’s right! That’s what you can do anytime you’re bored. Say some ideas and then choose one.”
4: “Can I have ice cream for dessert?”
Doesn’t seem like much, does it? But two days later, he walked into the kitchen and said, “Mom, I’m bored. Can you help me make ideas again?”
Me: “Sure. Do you want to go first?”
4: “Okay. Maybe…Play Doh?”
Me: “Yep. Hot Wheels track?”
4: “Oooh! Hot Wheels track! I wanna do that one!”
I swear I didn’t make that up just for a good ending. That’s literally what happened. Not only did he not whine; he recognized that he was bored, remembered the strategy, and enacted it with very little support from me.
If you’re a leader, this is gold. Seriously.
Take the time to debrief with your people and you’ll be amazed at how fast they start to change.
My name is Dana and I'm a Leadership Coach.
That means I help people achieve their leadership goals, both at work and at home.
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