The Way that Works for YOU

When I was 23, an acquaintance invited me to direct an Outdoor Education program.

I laughed in her face. 

I knew the camp. A horse ranch, on a beautiful lake, surrounded by trails. They did riding, canoeing, mountain biking, rock climbing, and adventure backpacking. Fabulous place!

The problem wasn’t the camp. It was me. 

I was (still am) probably the most unathletic person on the planet. I didn’t do any of those activities; in fact, they terrified me. It made no sense to hire me and I told her so.

She was unmoved.

“I can hire people to run activities,” she explained. “But I need YOU to run the team.”

I went. 

And, while my incredible staff ran all those incredible activities, I ran team building activities. For sixth graders. And I loved it!

Here’s my favourite one:

Each team receives a small box, containing two thumb tacks, a pack of matches, and an emergency candle. 

The task is to affix the candle to the wall so that it can burn safely, using only the materials in front of them.

What would you do?

Try it with your team and see what people come up with.

Now, let me be clear, I would rather stick a fork in my eye than play ice breaker games in meetings. But team building is a whole different thing!

After each activity, we sat in a circle to talk about how it went. What worked? Who contributed? What question or insight made a difference? What was hard? How did that get resolved?

It was so interesting to see what would happen. Kids who were normally on the fringes, having great ideas. People who didn’t get along, working together. 

And the most powerful lesson: There is always a way. 

If you keep trying, and you work together, you will always find a way to solve the problem.

At the end of the activity, kids would always ask, “Was that right?” 

But that’s the wrong question. 

We should be asking, “Did it work? Are we happy with it? Did we do our best?”

Because there is no “right” way. 

There is only YOUR way.

The way that uses YOUR gifts. The way that gives YOU energy. The way that works for YOU.

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Unexpectedly, the hardest part about facilitating those team building exercises was resisting the impulse to help.

It’s SO HARD to be walking around, watching them struggle, seeing a solution, and NOT offering it.

On the surface, I know, it seems mean not to help. And the kids definitely complained! 

But stepping in cuts off their process. It teaches them that the only way to succeed is to ask someone for the answer. And, even more than that, it limits innovation.

Because I only know the way I can see. But there are lots of other ways…and they might work much better! 

And so my job was to help them gain insight without giving direction. 

I would ask questions like:

“Who haven’t you heard from?”

“Are there resources you aren’t using?”

“What assumptions are you making?”

“Where are you getting stuck?”

“If the result didn’t matter, what would you like to just try?”

Without exception, when I waited long enough, they would find a way. Their way. One that was perfect for them.

And my favourite times were when they came up with something totally unique and I got to say, “I have never seen anyone do that before and it was great!”

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Twenty years later, I’m still learning this lesson. And it’s one of the things that makes coaching so powerful.

Coaching is about helping you uncover YOUR way. 

Coaches don’t give you solutions. But don’t be fooled into thinking we aren’t doing anything! 

We’re constantly helping you question assumptions, notice patterns, find untapped resources, make connections, and gain insight. We’re helping you uncover the way that works for you. 

What problem are you staring at, stumped, right now? 

Is it something at work? Something at home with your family? 

Think about it like a team building exercise: What is the goal? What are your resources? Who are your teammates? What are the constraints?

Remember, there is always a way. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It just has to work for you.

And, maybe it’s time to give coaching a try.

As a coach, I can see what’s holding you back, and I will tell you the truth about it. I’ll help you find solutions, and be fiercely on your side as you grow.

So, whatever you’re working on right now…let’s find YOUR way.