What My Dad's Butterfly Obsession Taught Me About Change

My Dad raises monarch butterflies.

It’s a whole thing.

It started with collecting a few caterpillars from a field. Now he has a milkweed garden, and empties the garage for the summer so he can set up tables, enclosures, and systems for food, water, and taking notes.

He harvests eggs, feeds caterpillars, and suspends the chrysalises from the ceiling to wait for the butterflies to emerge. 

If you’ve never seen it, you’re missing out. The struggle and vulnerability of these little insects, wrapping themselves in vessels of transformation, allowing their bodies to disintegrate into goo and be completely remade. 

He released over 100 monarchs this year. 

It’s breathtaking every time. 

It reminds me that things are emerging.

I have a client who has been working for several months to create more space in their busy life. Space for enjoyment and leisure. Space for creativity. 

It’s a beautiful goal. But - OH! - the pain of trying to say no when you’re so used to saying yes! Of doing less when you’ve always gone above and beyond!

For a while now, the goal has seemed impossible. 

Then two things happened: A long-term project collapsed unexpectedly and, instead of rushing to rescue it, my client decided to just let it end. At the same time, they stepped away from a substantial volunteer role.

When we met for coaching, they shared both events, framed as failures. They were disappointed in their lack of initiative and commitment. 

“And,” they continued, “I haven’t made any progress toward my goal!”

I stopped them. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Because it sounds like you just had two things end - things that were taking up huge amounts of time - and you let them end. That sounds like a tremendous amount of progress.”

Things are emerging.

Another client has been working on addressing issues directly, when they arise, instead of ignoring them. If that sounds simple, you are clearly not a life-long people-pleaser!

Last week, they witnessed an incident that was very concerning to them. Six months ago, they would have ignored it, become increasingly resentful of that employee, and eventually fired them.  

Instead, they called that team member to the office and addressed it the SAME DAY it occurred. The correction was warm, but firm. The team member was receptive. The whole thing took 9 minutes. My client was ecstatic.

Things are emerging. 

My five year old has been super emotional lately. Whenever he’s disappointed or doesn’t get his way, he collapses on the floor in tears. Then he flees to his room to snuggle his favourite stuffy and cry. When he’s done, he comes to get a hug. 

I’m not worried at all. 

Because I see a child leveling up their capacity for emotional regulation. He’s accepting “no” quickly, and processing his feelings in a healthy way. And he’s doing it without any rupture in the relationship. It’s a really positive shift.

Things are emerging. 

The common thread in all of these stories?

Change does happen. 

We emerge into new seasons, new skills, new versions of ourselves.

And, when we take time to set our intentions, to decide how we want to grow, who we want to become, we can have a lot of control over how we change.

But it’s not smooth. Or linear. Or easy.

Sometimes it comes on the other side of long, painful seasons of struggle and discomfort and wrestling with ourselves.

Sometimes we think we should be there already, and we just…aren’t.

Sometimes the pain is gutting. Like we’re being completely turned to goo, with no idea how we’ll survive.

But it always comes.

We always emerge. 

This was number 102, released at my house.

And we are always transformed. 

I wanted to share this because I’m right there with you. And, no matter how many times I live through that kind of transformation, I never get used to it. I always think it’s ending me. 

But then, suddenly, somehow, unexpectedly…I emerge on the other side. 

And I know who I am, and what I’m here for, in a new way. 

So, wherever you are in this process, I hope you can take courage. And I hope you emerge into a version of yourself that is more beautiful, more capable, more authentically you than you can dream up right now. 

What is emerging in your life right now?