Why I've Spent $10K on Coaching.

I’ve spent just about $10K on coaching since I started my business.

(Yes, my business is coaching...The irony is not lost on me.)

It’s a lot of money. Especially for a single mom. There are a hundred places I could have spent that money.

But, last week, I remembered why I've done it. 

Here’s what happened:

I was building some IKEA shelves to create storage in my closet. My son is five and a half, and he was very excited to help.

We built the first shelf together. I would show him the instructions, explain what to do, show him how to do it. 

When we finished, I moved it into the closet and showed him how to insert those little tabs that the shelves rest on. He wanted to do it himself, so I marked the correct holes, and left. 

He closed the door. He is very committed to doing things himself.

I waited. 

And waited.

I could hear muttering. Banging. Scraping. 

I tapped on the door and offered to help.

“DON’T COME IN HERE! I’M DOING IT MYSELF. DON’T LOOK YET!”

I waited. 

More muttering. Foot stamping. Growling.

“Honey? Do you want me to look at it?”

“I SAID DON’T COME IN HERE!”

I listened while he clearly tried everything he could think of to get that f***ing shelf into place. I could hear the overwhelm and despair. 

Finally, he opened the door, and burst into tears. “I can’t do it! I don’t want you to look but I just can’t do it!”

We had a cuddle. He finished crying. And then I grabbed a notebook and said, “I’d like to show you something.”

If you’re a parent, I’m sure you’ve heard of Dr. Becky (Good Inside) and her incredible concept, “The Learning Space.” 

But, just in case, the basic concept is that there’s a time when we don’t know something and a time when we do know it. And the space in between those two is called "The Learning Space." 

The Learning Space is characterized by one feeling: FRUSTRATION.

The only way to move through The Learning Space is to feel frustrated for a while…until eventually you know the thing.

Here’s the picture I drew for my son to explain it:

I need you to understand, he listened with rapt attention. He was completely captivated. 

When I finished talking, he just reached for my pen and redrew the diagram right under mine. He made very spiky lines to emphasize the frustration.

Then he turned to me, very calmly, and said, “I’m going to try again.”

It took less than a minute. He came out smiling and invited me in to see his work.

Then he asked if he could build the second shelf by himself. Which - save for some very minor help with heavy lifting - he did.

He’s so proud of it. He brings every person who comes into the house directly to my closet to show it off.

Now, here’s why I’ve spent $10K on coaching:

The learning space is hard to stand in alone.

I know it will be worth it and I know it won’t last forever. 

But I need someone to stand there with me.

Remind me where I am.

Help me tolerate the frustration long enough to come out the other side.

Sitting on the floor with my son, drawing a diagram of The Learning Space, was one of the purest coaching moments of my career.

I didn’t tell him what to do, or what to feel. I didn’t solve or fix anything. 

I was present. I validated his feelings. I offered some insight into his experience. And I let him decide what to do next.

That is exactly what all my coaches have done for me. 

They’ve been present. They’ve held space for my feelings - they’ve definitely all seen me cry! They’ve offered insight into my experience. And they’ve let me decide what to do.

And it is invaluable to me.

Not just because I come through into knowing.

Because I didn’t have to do it alone.

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Everyone spends time in the Learning Space. 

It can be especially isolating for leaders, because you aren’t free to share your experience. 

As your coach, I can join you, in whatever you're facing. 

I can be the person who stands with you so you don’t have to do it alone.

Have you thought about working with a coach? 

Why not give it a try?

Book a free Discovery Call and see what it’s like to have someone stand with you.